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One of my best friend’s husband is fighting a very tough battle against melanoma. I’m with them at the top cancer hospital in NYC. This is the place people go when they have very advanced or complex cases. As I walk the halls of the urgent care facility I see people older than me and people younger than me. Some people have buckets, presumably to throw up into, some are literally yellow in color. Some are incoherent. My friend’s husband is probably more advanced than anyone I’ve seen. Saddened is an understatement for how I feel. Everything else in my life has become unimportant and my focus has been on helping in any and every way that I can. His battle will soon consume him and a different sadness will settle in.

Life is short enough as it is, for some of us it’s even shorter. It puts a lot things into perspective. That perspective is to love life. Be happy and try not to fuck up.

I’ll be making some changes in my life in the coming week/weeks.


We all have problems in life. Our problems, whether big or small, are our problems. Our issues may seem trivial in the grand scheme of life, but they are our issues. It’s weird how some people struggle with certain types of issues and while others glide right through them.

I’m struggling with some issues now that I’ve watched others glide right through.

But as I’ve said or heard (both) before, time heals all wounds. Time also can bring clarity to ones issues. It’s weird how it happens. I often lay in bed (or stare into space on a train) and think constantly about a “problem” and no conclusion that brings me any inner peace. But for some reason, with time on my side, poof, clarity.

My issues are of the heart. They sound trivial even to me, should I verbalized them, but they’re not. They stem from a balance of fairness and truth. Classic second born/middle child syndrome?

I hope to achieve some clarity sooner than later as I need to convert my anxiety to stability and happiness.


2014 arrives and this is how I feel in a sea of friends.  Good friends.  Why, because the love I have is failing and flailing.  But there is always hope on the horizon.  That hope could be familiar or it could be new.  Regardless of what it is, one must grasp ahold of hope and use it as the lifeline for life.

Movie is the opening scene from Garden State.  I didn’t seek a license and will remove it if requested to do so despite the use being fair use under copyright law.

I’m reposting my own post.  This is how numb I feel right now, Jan. 23, 2014…


We often have to make very difficult decisions in life.  Decisions that may not feel right, but ones that you know that you’ll look back on in hindsight as better decisions in the long run.  Decisions with more truth behind them.  The right choices/decisions don’t always come via the quick and easy route.  And making decisions sometimes really hurt!

Life can really suck and be unfair sometimes.  But while we are alive we need to live life and do our best to be truthful to ourselves and to the ones around us.  I’m not perfect and I make mistakes.  In the process of life I have been hurt far more times than I’ve hurt others, yet I am more bothered by others pain than my own.  

I’ve shed many tears over decisions I’ve had to make.  I feel aged by my decisions and their consequences.

But this is life.  We all exist on this planet for such a short period of time and while the easy way out often is the quickest way, it’s not always to right way.

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